The Sorting Hat Rap
by Storm that Twists in Spiral
Summary: When three Slytherin students wonder what it would be like for the Sorting House to diss the other houses during its song. This is the result of two crazy AVPM fans trying to write a Sorting Hat song.


**Elsi: Hiya! I thought it's about time I wrote something extremely random and stupid!**

**Trek: The story behind this song is dedicated to Elsi's new story that she hasn't published yet: Don't Let It Go To Your Head. Last night, Elsi was trying to write a Sorting Hat song, which she turned into a rap so she could sing it. Kasi was messing with various pictures using mywebface, so you can tell that they were both in a very random mood.**

**Elsi: And I decided, you know what, I'm going to write a parody rap. So there.**

**Trek: Yeah...Elsi doesn't own Harry Potter, or A Very Potter Sequel (see Jigglypuff)**

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**Sorting Hat Rap**

"Wouldn't it be hilarious if the Sorting Hat just dissed all the houses?" asked Nathan Lansing of Slytherin**.**

"Oh, that'd be good," answered his friend, Tom Dale. "It'd be like…um…um…" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"_The house of the dumbest _

_Is named Gryffindor,"_ he started happily.

"_All that blood and mud they roll in_

_Clogs up all their pores,"_ commented Jennifer Madison, checking her appearance in her pocket mirror. Nathan and Tom shot her a glance. "Well, it's true," she added. "Haven't you seen their faces lately?"

"Eh, it'll work," he agreed. "What about Ravenclaw?"

"Ooh! Ooh! I've got one!" called Tom. "Ready?"

"Ready, Tom," Nathan said with exasperation fresh in his voice.

"_They call themselves smarties_

_In the house of Ravenclaw_

_When really all that jabbering_

_Cuts your head like a saw." _Nathan stared at his friend.

"Cuts your head like a saw?" Jennifer questioned, "That's a line a Gryffindor would come up with."

"You got anything better?" Tom snapped.

"How about…

_When really all that jabbering_

_Is their greatest flaw._" Jennifer suggested with a roll of her eyes.

"Oh, I've got Hufflepuff for sure," chuckled Nathan.

"Go for it," Tom encouraged.

"_Now if you're sweet and clueless_

_You'll go to Hufflepuff._

_They're all dumb and spineless_

_So we call them Jigglypuff."_ As Jennifer and Tom both laughed, Nathan smiled to himself. He didn't dare tell them that the Sorting Hat wanted to put _him_ in Jigglypuff.

"And what about us?" asked Tom.

"_The only house that works_

_Is the great Slytherin_

_Accepting the best of the best_

_That know how to fit in,"_ Jennifer improved quickly.

"There's our Sorting Hat song," Nathan decided.

"No…" trailed Tom. "Our Sorting House RAP!" Jennifer laughed.

"We're too white to rap, Tom," she told him in a racist way.

"That's not true," Nathan countered. "Lay down a beat, Tom." Tom obeyed.

_"The house of the dumbest _

_That's Gryffindor_

_All that mud and blood they roll in_

_Clogs up all their pores,_" started Jennifer.

"_They call themselves smarties _

_In the house of Ravenclaw_

_When all that mindless jabbering_

_Is really quite a flaw,_" took up Nathan.

"_But if you're sweet and clueless_

_You'll go to Hufflepuff._

_They're all dumb and spineless_

_So we call them Jigglypuff!" _cried the two together.

_"The only house that works_

_Is the great Slytherin_

_Accepting the best of the best_

_Who know how to fit In,_" finished Nathan cheerfully.

"You shouldn't be making fun of your classmates." The three froze at the voice of their Head of House, Professor Mindle.

"Sorry, Professor Mindle," they said without looking at him. There was a silence. Nathan cringed. Was he going to take their points away?

"I like the verse about Hufflepuff," said Professor Mindle, and he swept away, leaving three clueless Slytherins standing there in shock.

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**Elsi: The Hufflepuff verse is actually something I made up yesterday - using Jigglypuff from A Very Potter Sequel. And while trying to come up with a rhyme for Gryffindor, I actually screamed PORES! until I realized that using pores would not make any sense. If you want to see the real Sorting Hat song that I created, I'll have to post Dont Let It Go To Your Head. But...I need names. Badly.**

**Trek: See, this fic is taking place in a totally new world with totally new characters. So, Elsi needs names.**

**Elsi: If you will do me a huge favor, please suggest last professor-ish names for these characters:**

**1) Potions Master; Head of Slytherin; Deputy Headmaster - NOT PARTICULARLY MEAN**

**2) Really young Charms professor; female**

**3) Really fun and tolerant DADA professor; Head of Gryffindor. **

**4) Various other professors (steryotypical of their classes) NOTE: I don't need Divination, Astronomy, Ancient Runes, or History of Magic. Otherwise, I NEED HELP!**

**Trek: Thanks, everyone!**


End file.
